Widowsleep's Journal
[Most Recent Entries]
[Calendar View]
[Friends]
Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
Widowsleep's LiveJournal:
[ << Previous 20 ]
| Sunday, November 8th, 2009 | | 12:26 am |
i wasted 17 quid on dyes. After three washes I realised that the dress in question is acetate and therfore has no hope of being dyed. There go my plans for creating a perfect black cocktail dress from old purple ballgown. Humph there go my good intentions of 'make do and mend' | | Thursday, October 1st, 2009 | | 3:03 pm |
House is emptied! Keys handed over. my worldly possesions are lyign on teh lawn outside being picked over by cleaning ladies and guards. Thats the worldy possessions i'm throwing away, old blankets and clothes and half used bottles of lotion etc. The rest is lying next to the throw out stuff, seperated by a skipping rope. I really really hope people are nice and don't take the stuff I've already sold. My flight is Saturday. I have to work on friday but thats ok. I wish I could work better now. I'm very very tired. no sleep for two nights. and unaccostomed physical exercise. what are these things that ache? oh yes muscles. I remember them. | | Monday, September 28th, 2009 | | 2:45 pm |
Ok! so if I do NANO this year I'm tempted to get rid of the original story, ripping yarn set around ex-pirate island, where all the pirates, beggars, whores and thieves have now turned respectable and wear starched linen and caps, because I realised I have a happy setting and zero plot. I'm instead going to have a stab at mills and boon, which I'm told is much more difficult then it sounds. If i do choose this route would anyone be willign to write the sex scenes for me? I believe in out-sourcing. I wont include other's scenes in the word count, but it can't be mills and boon without sex and I'm far to British to write them myself. My mother wrote some romances and I always knew when she was writing a sex scene as she had her eyes wrinkled shut, face turned from screen, two finger typing wiht a look of utter embarresment and revulsion on her face. | | 2:35 pm |
I'm not ready to leave. Its all so wierd. I'm a wierd wired mix of stuff. And its all just too much. Except when I don't think about it. And I'm very very good at not thinking about things to much. | | Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009 | | 8:32 am |
Ok, theres this job I want to apply for. And it says its good if you have soem experience with web design, wikis and online debates. How do I set up a website and what the heck is a wiki? | | Thursday, September 10th, 2009 | | 2:34 pm |
I have writers block! I have to write a two page report on my time in Namibia or I don't get my final months payment. But its worse then the wretched 'Wot I did on my hollydays' from when I was 6. How are you meant to describe the dampness fo moss and the little twig houses for your flower fairy dolls and playing highway men on the swingset entering into a perfect new world, and listening to teh parents conversation picking up the little nuances that meant there was goign to be another row and all teh children huddled in an attic pretending to play listening to their mothers snarl and hiss like aged cats. So you write "i went to my grandfathers. i played with my cusons. it was hot. we went swiming. we went home. the end" Its none of the teachers business. Alright i suppose teh ODI have some right to know what they were spending their money on. THe real difficluty is i'm not sure if i have achieved much. I did try, I spent ages making up those lessons on excel and power point. None of them even bothered to try them. And it was a really fun lesson making animated valentines cards! | | Friday, September 4th, 2009 | | 1:01 pm |
musings on population
I've been having rather morbid musings on population at the moment. The other day I was discussing Malthus, who as any fule know was the bloke who said that when population expands at a greater rate than food production population will then decline due to people dying of malnutrition. Thats the basic idea and then it was sort of expanded to say and overpopulation can lead to death from increased disease and poverty from living in overcrowded conditions. And then it became you get population expansion and there will be a RECKONING. Like Spanish flu or a war that kills us all. And a lot of people (or at least several important, educated, government people here) see HIV or Climate Change as that. They say they are good things because they will decrease the surplus population. I would like to mildly point out at this point that the only reason overpopulation is a bad thing is because it leads to hunger, disease and premature death. So having hunger, disease and prmature death as a solution isn't really winning situation. Anyway, me and this visitor were discussing the population trends and how we were going to reach 9 billion by 2050 and I gave the example of China in the 1960s which experienced localised 'classic malthus' where population combined with one years famine led to the deaths of at least 60million (in reality prob much higher). Then this maths teacher whose here doing her VSO chirped in rather piously and said 'I thought people were dying in China because they were murdering the girl babies'. And I explained no that was a consequence of the mortality, the one child policy was to try and ensure that population growth rate declined so the people who did live had a better chance of surviving, and at first at least it was voluntary, you recieved a loan which you didn't have to pay back if you only had one child, but people kept having a second child and refusing to pay back, and you couldn't force them as they had no money. So then the authorities of the areas were told 'make sure they tow the line, do whatever you have to' and so you get the forced abortions, sterilisations and people abonding or murdering the female infants because if your only allowed one then its much better to have a boy. At which point the maths teacher looked like she was about to burst into tears so I stopped this recap of my asia-pacific in post-war period module. But the question which we began to discuss after she had gone was is it likely that any individual country will adopt a deliberate population policy in the near future, or would such a thing not be possible these days? It only worked in China cos they had a powerful non-elected govt. and you could argue it was only nesecarry because they didn't organise a large scale import of food in times of famine. Attempts in India have so far been given short shrift. | | Thursday, September 3rd, 2009 | | 10:54 am |
| Greed: | Very Low
| | | Gluttony: | Medium
| | | Wrath: | Low
| | | Sloth: | High
| | | Envy: | Very Low
| | | Lust: | Medium
| | | Pride: | Very Low
| |
Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz | | Sunday, August 23rd, 2009 | | 10:55 pm |
I've just had row with Catherine, and shes leaving tomorrow. I should feel bad, but i'm just so bloody relieved. Its been brewing for a while, numerous little things. Lots of anti-Islam hints, (shes an atheist who thinks that people need religion to make them do good, obviously not including the intellectual enlightened like her, just the dreary masses who need masses as a kind of carrot and stick) but mainly an ego that bordered on the level of pschycatric concern. It got to the stage where I was fairly convinced she wasn't just exagereating she was down right lying. She was obsessed with boys being in love with her, every tiny reaction was interpreted as thier obsession. And then on Friday she was telling a long anecdote about one boy's obsession, in the story he gave her a 6 foot wooden sculpture of the virgin mary. Which changed half way through the story from neon blue to neon pink. This for me was the conclusive proof she was a) making it up and then b) really believing her lies. So at dinner we were talking about religion and social ties, and she said the bible said nothing on the oppression of woman so I gave teh example of corionthians which said women should not be priests and not teach and keep their hair covered. And she said she'd read the whole bible and I said she hadn't otherwise she'd know the corinthians and she said she'd read te whole of teh bible and koran. And I said she was lying, she said she would not sit at a table with someone who called her a liar, and stormed off to bed. I went to Masoma's to calm down who told me Catherine had actually mentioned to her she hadn't read the bible. I came home, with the intention of making peace but what actually came out of my mouth was 'honey I don't think we should carry on living together' she said she'd already made plans to move out tomorrow. All in all by far the most dramatic evening I've ever spent in Windhoek and highly unpleasant. Trouble is I'm not sorry, I do think shes a pathological liar, as well as being an unpleasant actually fairly racist person (again lots of little hints adding up). I do want her out as shes poisonign my last few weeks here. What I'm worried about is once teh adrenineline wears off i'm going to be stuck with a ghastly feeling of bile which results from rows. Oh well, chin up, nice to know Matthias and Masoma support me (they've said I can come and stay with them just for goodness sake don't send her). | | Wednesday, August 19th, 2009 | | 12:24 pm |
My flat mate when she first arrived: 'I feel so much for people, I can’t bear to see anyone suffer. I couldn’t bear it when I was small seeing the animals abandoned I was always bringing home stray dogs and cats. Every suffering I witness just cuts my heart.' My Flatmate last night: 'I gave something to a begger for the first time in Windhoek. Well he was playing with his child outside Nandos and I couldn’t bear to see him cold and hungry outside while all the happy families were eating inside so I bought him a hamburger.' Well bully for you sweetheart, what do you want a medal? Why have you ignored every other begger for the three months since you’ve been here? Mind you who am I to be self righteous. I certainly don’t give more then I can afford. I just abide by the generally accepted customs of begging here. I.e. people on the street 2-3 dollars change, whatever you have in your pocket, not notes. Aggressive beggers – nothing. Street kids – don’t want to encourage them to think a) begging is career and better then school or b) getting a slum dog millionaire custom where they controlled by pimps or mutilated to look more pathetic so give them candy bars, or bread or juice boxes, something you know will go to their stomachs not their owners. There is in fact quite little begging in this country, less then London when I think about it. This is partly because we have few tourists, also things are more expensive here, so a single rich person can’t give what at home would be a price of a sandwich and here is enough to live on for a week, so less incentive to target tourists. And also because there is less poverty compared to other developing countries. There are just less people so less crowding and squalor and there remains a good sense of community and family, orphans and the elderly will often be looked after by sisters, cousins, aunts etc. not easily you understand, but can dole out a meal of pap which is maize and millet porridge and most kids get to attend some form of school, and there are state pensions. Not great by any means, but its improving slowly. | | Saturday, August 8th, 2009 | | 9:24 am |
sackcloth and ashes
i woke with no memory of last night apparently teh waiter put two identical bottles of wine in te wine bucket. One for our table, one for the next door. I not realisign, drank both, thinking as teh bottle was never empty i'd had very little I behaved very badly, according to dylon (housemate) I took off my top in a bar, traumatised a girl by groping her, and eventually was found lying on a bench outside a club in a pool of my own vomit. I don't think he likes me much anymore. According to another girl who was out, I wasn't that bad, the top was unbuttoned and i was playing 'peek a boo' rather then stripped naked. But still feel terrible for having behaved badly towards a girl. I know I get affectionate whilst drunk but 'rapey'? This is terrible, and I can't even call her and apologise because i've left my phone in the office and have no numbers. I just wish there was someway I could confess, do penance and be forgiven. I will obviously try and learn from this mistake and not get uncontrolably drunk again but... the difficulty is I got drunk by accident, and when very drunk do not seem to have the off-button that stops me piling on more acholhol. I haven't done this since I was a student, and even then I never did as much harm, vomited yes, even memory blanks...but this is not good. I'm a grown up now, I'm going to have to find methods of knowing when i've had enough and stopping. counting units or something... | | Friday, July 24th, 2009 | | 8:21 am |
There is a definite shift in the house! last night Catherine - i'm going to cook some mince with spice and chickpeas does anyone want some? NO! from me and dylon. Dylon - i'm ill, I need comfort food, i'm goign to steers for take out. Me - I'm going to have smoked salmon and salad Catherine - but what i'm cooking is going to be healthier then burgers, its better for you if your ill. Us in unison - burgers are comfort food. result - we all eat what we like, and since no one bothered cooking anything new, we made in roads in the backlog fo left overs and we haven't added to the piles of clingfilm covered bowls. | | Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009 | | 11:05 am |
Diets
Dieting is the most ridiculous concept, I always thought so when i read about it novels. It makes you think about food the whole time and makes you feel hungry when your not because you've lost the link in your brain between - food a good nourishing thing which you need and replaced it with food - bad naughty guilt. So you eat either exactly the same or more then usual but you don't get pleasure from it. Trouble is, an idle whinge about the celluite that has grown on my stomach like mold on a cheap rented apartment's wall, led to flatmate joinging in saying we can diet and support each other. Trouble is a) we're out of sync and she after starving herself all day has made me supper of heavy meat and root vegatables, when I actually wanted salad and fish and b) I think if she doesn't know I'm eating it doesn't count. THis is incidently why nagging alcoholics doesn't work, they just find ways of hiding the drinking and feeling clever when they've fooled you. I want to live on my own again, I want to be able to control whats in my fridge, and i'm fed up of livign in a country with limited food where ex-pats buy huge quantities of food, cook it for me, and then eat two spoonfuls so I either have to eat it myself, when i'd rather be eating something else, or see it thrown away. come back buffulo_gill, come back half_of_monty, when i lived with you we ate good and healthy food and you never made faces at me and remind me how many calories there were in a gin and tonic. Come to think of it...when i live with LES people, I always end up completely happy with food, and eating a delicious balanced diet...in fact...the spiral weight gain only really happened once the flat mate had moved in... So what do I want for lunch? i'd like a nice seafood salad at the place by pick'npay. Y'know LJ really does save a fortune in therapy bills. | | Thursday, July 16th, 2009 | | 1:45 pm |
In an effort to gain some slight control of the spiraling weight gain I have spent two lunch times now not going to Nandos or to cafe for bacon and eggs but having woolworths slimmers soup. A delicious nutritious lentil, tomato and kidney bean soup. Its yummy, fills me up and gives me two portions of my five a day, I intend to back into to swing of 'listening to my body, and feeding it what it needs.' I would like to point out this little recognised fact: Pulses suck! They fill you up, seem to take ages to digest and because they have the calorie content of a sony walkman they don't actually stop you feeling hungry. So now I have a belly full of concrete and i'm still weak and lethargic and will prob need a lot of sugary coffee to get me through afternoon of reading the 'bumper book of methodologies' or whatever it is I'm trying to do. Tonight i'm having a ladies night with wine and pizza, I will prob still be too full of lentils to enjoy pizza and still go to be hungry. Humpth. | | Sunday, July 12th, 2009 | | 1:46 am |
every now and then something hppens to remind me i'm not in kanss any more. evenign...totally fucked up on many levels nd wi ellborate later but i stuck by my rule, no gettin gin cars with someone i know is drunk eveyron act like i'm stupid difficult little girl insitsint on ordering taxi so they have to wait for her to pick up... car crash as they leave... i m glad i have rule not brken it yet just thank god no one hutt want to go home | | Monday, July 6th, 2009 | | 2:34 pm |
My mum just got a first! Am well chuffed. In fact before she even got her first, this woman who had marked one of her papers sought her out begging her to do her Masters there and let her be her supervisor! She's now committed and might even do a PHd, go my mum! And a lesson to all siblings who were told you were the stupid ugly one, and it was never going to be worth your while going to university. Even if they cowed you for 55 years you can still prove them wrong! | | Monday, June 29th, 2009 | | 4:43 pm |
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/4506769.stmThe best scam in history, some of my friends even signed up for it. It plays on their vanity, they actually believe that someone owuld pay 90 quid plus 100 extra per date for the priviledge of taking them out to dinner wiht a no-sex policy. They insist on your 'measurements' to give it just a hint of naughtiness, a hint of implied prostitution and all the girls who fancied themselves hadn over 45 quid for the privilidge of having thier photo up on a website. I wonder how much the guys made by now? 20 people on first day thats 900 quid...if only LES had thought of it first we'd be able to buy our castle by now. | | Tuesday, June 23rd, 2009 | | 2:59 pm |
i have had a foul taste in my mouth for 24 hours, its bitter bitter yuck. I've looked up on web and relieved that its prob a common cold but its still horrible! | | Monday, June 22nd, 2009 | | 3:09 pm |
Is it cos I is black?
I just had a thought. Since my great grandmother was native american, that means according to the US rules I count as black. (I've looked it up and its one drop for african blood and 1/16th for Native American) I mentioned this bit of ancestory at a drinks party on sunday and suddenly everyone proffessed to see the inheritance clearly in my features. This I strongly suspect is nonsense. Indeed one girl claimed that now she saw past the pink cheeks and blonde hair I definitly had that air of wisdom and nobility. I told her wisdom wasn't genetic, but ta very much compliment. I shall start wearing feathered head dresses and coming out with proverbs. Whats even more interesting to me is that fact that my mother told me it was probably a myth. That my great grandfather had told everyone she was a Red Indian Princess as that sounded exotic and glamorous and it stopped people looking at the dark hair and complexion and whispering 'Jewish'. But she got talking to an old bat at a funeral some cousin or something who said no it was all quite true. Well I doubt the princess bit was but I am definitly a Redskin! | | Friday, June 19th, 2009 | | 3:09 pm |
I'm hooked on big brother. This has only happened once before and that was the ben elton piss take. I can't stop reading the updates and news bulletins. I'm also noticing some parrarells between these contestents and characters. I think the producers read dead famous and thought 'hey this combination really works' and chose contestents and edited them using his book as a sort fo script. Reading too much into it? Or may be its the same every year and I just don't know as don't normally touch it with a ten foot poll. I'm hoping that once this eviction is over I'll have freedom again. |
[ << Previous 20 ]
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
antoniabaker's journal